Turning The Page

I made a big decision this week after months of turmoil. I have decided I cannot do the work I do anymore. It is too hard on my body and soul and my anxiety ramps up anytime issues come up at work. I simply cannot read about the misery of children any longer. The sadness, errors in judgement, and years of frustration compressed into the volumes of a child’s life exact a heavy toll upon those who are exposed to those very personal and tragic details. There are certainly bright spots within those files, and it’s likely those that have held me there this long. My term ends at the end of March, as does their fiscal year, and there is no permanent positions coming anytime soon. So I will let my contract expire, and file for EI, and figure out what to do next. I need to spend time with family and I’ll look for work in their areas for a few months at least, part time, or take a break altogether. Much will depend on what my body and soul are ready for.  I have 9 weeks left to work, so I hope I can just run through those as I start thinking about what comes next.

What I am sure of is I’m going to drive up north to spend time with my sister and her husband, kids, in laws, etc. It’s been too long and I need to get to know my nephews more as they spring through their adolescence. They are all big strapping teenage boys now! After my sister’s I want to drive to see my daughter for at least a month and I may look for work for awhile there. I have no desire to be there for any winter months though, so I’ll be back in BC before long to enjoy the milder weather. 

I look forward to the new adventure and have some plans for how I will spend the time. I want to spend more time writing, and want to take a couple of writing classes to sharpen things up. I thought I might look at technical writing or editing to pay for the time to write my creative non-fiction. I have a book that I started writing years ago and then put it down, with it 3/4 of the way finished. I have an idea for a new one too, about my time as a social worker and what went well, what didn’t, stories from the road, what could have helped both workers and families if only it was possible or available, that kind of thing. Something another social worker might like to read or something folks who work with or know social workers might like to read. I want to keep it as light as possible when possible, as I don’t want to traumatized anyone else! I will focus on vicarious trauma and how it has impacted me and the lives of other social workers I’ve met along the way.

So that’s it.- my life is taking a new direction and I am about to turn the page. Let’s go, Nash!