Heading into RV Life

I received official word today that I am to recieve all of the funds I need for the next adventure. It was a personal investment I applied to get early access to due to financial hardship. Thankfully my application was approved, so I should have the funds by Monday or Tuesday at the latest. First on the list is somewhere to live - I have been living in my VW for the past two months and as much as I enjoy driveway camping, I am ready for my own home again, where I can shut myself away for quiet time and get some real rest. Having to use somene else's house for cooking, bathroom, and laundry can get old quick for all of us. Driveway camping is noisy too, with all the traffic. My plan is to camp in free places as much as I can, as I need to keep expenses down. I am networking with others about that, and there are tons of places to camp for free, particularily in an RV that is self-sufficient like the one I want. Solar power, propane stove and fridge, and LED lights galore. I may even start a little garden so I can grown some of my own little herbs and veggies. 

I'm not sure when/if I can or will return to social work. I've decided not to rush into anything until I feel ready. I still struggle with the PTSD on a daily basis. I am looking into ways to work from home that will support my new frugal lifestyle. I'll own the RV outright, as well as Karma so will only have a phone/internet bill, gas and propane, medication, and food as ongoing expenses. I'm hoping setup won't cost too much, and a lot of that will depend on what is already done in the RV I end up buying. Not all have been converted to solar, so if it isn't I want that done asap, as well as add some extra batteries to store the energy. With keeping my expenses as low as possible, I am hoping a part-time job will be enough for now and in the meantime I'll be looking at setting up a home based business for when I want to head south to escape the cold weather or need inspiration. 

So busy times ahead, but I am so grateful that things are working out. I needed a break and someone to help me out and my broker certainly did that. I may have to send her some slippers for Christmas...

I have ssome good friends to help me choose the right RV for me. They are both knowledgeable and trustworthy which means a great deal to me. I don't want to overpay or buy someone else's nightmare. I just want a C Class RV with a separate bedroom at the back, in good shape, preferably not a FORD, and if at all possible, with a light interior, not woodgrain, however I can deal with how to cover that. Once the RV is purchased, I'll be moving right on in, and setting up house finally, after living out of a suitcase on the good graces of friends and family for the past 4 months. And directly after that I shall be adopting me a brand new kitty! I cannot wait. I have felt so lonesome without Dundee, and miss the comfort a housecat can bring. I will be keeping this kitty inside and hopefully building a catio - a small tunnel that leads to outdoor litter and caged space. It will need to be secure but also collapsible. I hope to get this cutie pie - 

Once ready to hit the road, I plan to head to Alberta to see my daughter, finally! I have seen her less than a year ago in China, but not yet in Canada. I just want to hug her. And not let go. I have missed her. She is planning to come to Victoria for Christmas so I'm excited about that. She has never been to Vancouver Island before. 

The last bit of exciting news is that I have been contacted by the BBC to submit a story about #vanlife with photos and video of Karma and my story. So I have done this and sent it along. Apparently they are doing a documentary mini-series about people living in their vans. I will keep y'all posted on where that goes. 

In health related news - I did split my head open a couple of weeks ago and required 4 staples to close it back up. I was coming up the back stairs at my friend's house and ran into the corner of a steel framed window. Bled like a stuck pig, but managed to get it slowed enough to drive myself to the hospital for treatment, after picking my housemate up at the bus stop...she was coming back from the mainland. 

So there you have it...the adventure continues...

Summer's End

I'm not sure where the summer went but we are nearly at the end of August. The kids go back to school in a week or so, depending on where they live. I don't have any little ones in school, of course, but it has always felt a little sad when the school supplies are out in stores - summer's nearly over. 

I've relocated down the street, which has turned out to be a much better driveway to camp in for the most part. It is certainly easier to park in. I'm parked in the small lot by my friend's tiny apartment building (4 units). They have two kitties to cuddle and a television :-). There is also no daycare...lol. I can stay as long as I like and I enjoy hanging out with my friends as I've known them both for years. 

Karma was repainted and redesigned and I think she looks great! 

Karmma took us camping this past weekend. We went up island to the west coast and camped at Kennnedy Lake, the largest lake on Vancouver Island I'm told. Tofino and Uclulet are close by so we checked out Tofino the day we left. Due to campground policy that campers must provide a credit card    and refuse to take cash as payment for camping, I told them I'll just take my business elsewhere. Stupid policy. Since when did it become to expensive and exclusionary to camp in Canada? What has happened to our country? Greed. So to hell with them, we went to "Redneck Beach" instead which is at the end of a logging road that took us to Kennedy Lake. The free beach is hard pack sand so people can drive and camp down on the beach next to the lake as you can see above. While the facilities were pretty much nil as it is an unofficial campground, it was clean and plenty of nice camping sites with firepits. There were some folks that were clearly living on the beach in their camper/tent/truck/car. .We met one old gent who was collecting recyclable deposit items and tidied up the garbage. He can't remember how long he has been living there...Nice enough fellow.. We also met a young couple down the beach who were swimming in the lake with their pet duck. Yess, pet duck. They were a young hippy couple. They stood on a large rock in the lake, her with a parasol and swimsuit, and him stark naked with it all hanging out, throwing his duck into the water to teach him how to fly...there were also many surfers there as well who likely camp all summer while they surf the beaches from Tofino to Uclulet. 

We did have a few challenges on the return trip back home on Sunday. When we were leaving the Tofino area to climb the mountain pass, fully loaded with four people and all our gear. We had been following a car and an RV, with the RV taking it real slow, and refusing to pull out as is the law when you have 5 or more vehicles slowed down behind you. I should have known better and just pulled off myself so I didn't end up behind him on the mountain. There were 7 of us behind him. The first bit of steep incline, he dropped his speed to 10kms an hour and crept up. Of course, I'm driving a manual transmission and there was no way I could climb up the hill with our load at 10kms an hour. So of course I lost power and momentum and then Karma stalled in the confusion. Karma has been shitting herself this summer, each time I stall out or turn the van off and try to start her back up again right away. She needs at least 10-15 minutes to rest for some reason. We have a theory - when I turn her off, the gasoline is still vapor and needs to transform back into liquid before I can start that chemical reaction again as she starts without fail once she is ready. The battery is fine, no probs there. So there I was, stalled on the mountain pass right at the worst windy bendy steep part and no shoulder AT ALL! I knew when I was able to start her again, I would not be able to even begin to climb up from that angle with all four of us in the van, nor would she do it empty I don't think, so we decided to back her down to a tiny portion of the highway that had a bit of a shoulder so I could turn around and drive down the mountain again and take another run at her. It was scary as hell as my friends were trying to warn traffic of the stall out before slamming into us around the corner. Most were very sympathetic and offered to help but all I needed at that moment was time for Karma to start again and then the skill/calm to back her downhill on a crooked road...not my strength at all! However, with teamwork and time, we successfully backed Karma down the hill, loaded everyone in and made another run at the mountain without issue. THANK GAWD. The challenges were not over though as we also stalled on the Malahat mountain pass in heavy traffic, but we were on a level, just needed to wait a 15 min for her to start again and then we were off, crawling through forever. All in all it was a fabulous weekend, great weather, bneautiful scenery.

The latest on what is next - well I am still in limbo of sorts, waiting for word on my pension withdrawal. They keep coming back for more paperwork again and again, delaying the decision. I'm hoping that is a good thing, but the waiting is killing me. I can't really plan for much until I know if they will release the funds or not. My intention is to buy an RV out of the money and live in it full-time, work part time if I can, and set up some kind of home based businesses. My PTSD is still quite bothersome so I am just not sure when or if I can work anytime soon. I have anxiety pretty near every day, and panic attacks nearly every day, nightmares that awaken me as I yelp or scream, and the thought of starting at a new office/agency terrifies me like never before. In the meantime, I have been living on the good graces of friends and family, and trying to ensure I always have enough food to eat. For some reason I am driven to spend what little I have on food and stockpile, so that is what I have done. I am hoping for a decision this week or next and if it is good news and they release my pension funds (LIRA) I will be buying and RV, moving in, setting up house and then heading to Alberta to see my daughter and catch up with friends and family in the Edmonton area while also setting up my home based businesses. I'm considering becoming a travel agent, as well as selling my wares (sewing, knitting, photos, art, etc). I plan to head back to Victoria at the end of September and settle in for the fall and winter in Victoria. I'm looking for work in Victoria and have applied for a couple of positions that interested me. If the news is bad - I will continue to live in Karma, which is fine, and find work asap. Of course, I am hoping I will get good news. Think Positive! 

The last bit of news is that I may be interviewed about living in my van by BBC for a documentary series. I responded to a post that was looking for people who lived in their vans as a tiny home. They are meant to call me this week for the interview. So that's cool. #vanlife.

I'm off to visit a friend for a bit and this afternoon I'm going crab fishing...apparently people can buy a personal fishing license to catch crab? I don't eat it but I want to go anyway. Sounds like fun!

Surviving Camp

Well, I haven't been to youth camp or anything like it in many years, but this past week my sister invited me up to visit her in northern BC while she was medic at youth camp. This week was teen camp, so youth from 13-16. My three nephews were also there. My youngest came with my sis as a volunteer support staff, so he did chores as directed. My eldest nephew was support staff so did all sorts of things and stayed in the dorm rooms with other staff, and my middle nephew was a camper so stayed in the cabins with his team - "Italy" as each cabin represented a country. There were 50 teen campers and about 20-30 more support staff and leaders. I first bunked in a double room with my sis, but my bed was next to the door which had an automatic door closer that slammed each time they went in and out as my youngest nephew was also staying in the room. Needless to say, I did not get much sleep. As well, the head of the bed was up against an uneven wall, so had an 8 inch gap where my pillows kept falling...thankfully I only had a couple of nights there and the last three nights in my very own room with a window and no automatic door closer. It was divine. We shaared the bathrooms as they were group style, not suite style, which was just fine with me. Just like a hostel really. The dining hall was large and we ate with the youth each meal, after they had all been through the lineup. There was no real choice for meals, and for the most part they were okay but portions in the first couple of days were very small until they realized that teen eat WAY more than their younger campers. Some of the boys were as big as grown men. My eldest nephew has a moustache!! The dining hall was an experience...it was fun on the first day, albeit somewhat overwhelming with yelling out of songs and pounding of the tables, antics and so on, and each cabin trying to outdo the next. By the end of the week my ears were ringing and those silly camp songs were stuck in my head - "Get your elbows off the table, this is not a horses stable, its a first class dining table!" And so on...and on, and on...until they reached 5 per meal. Thankfully there was a limit. At least once a day youth would choose O Canada or God Save the Queen so we would all have to stand up. 

The site was gorgeous, so green, lots of forest, lots of open green space, beautiful lake, lovely docks, canoes, kayaks, paddle boards, etc I thought about going for a paddle but would have to go alone as my sis needed to be immediately accessible. Then I worried my hands would not cooperate and I'd be out there stranded like a dumbass waiting for someone to rescue me. So in the end I chose not to...as much as I would have like to paddle around. The only design flaw in the building is that the sleeping quarters were directly below the dining hall and chapel, which were very noisy places at times, often all evening long. 

We went for a big hike on Thursday to the top of Barrett Hat, which was both a bit of a challenge, and very scenic. The view from the top was stellar! 

It was a nice relaxing hike with my sis as we lagged toward the back of the pack and enjoyed nature while chatting away and hooting for the bears - one must always make noise in the bush to let the bears know we are there as they do not like surprises. We saw enough fresh bear scat to confirm that we were def initely in bear country! Now I am heading back to Victoria...

What Is She Up To Now?

Here we are in August already and I haven't posted at all in July. I've been busy for sure, so I'll spend a little time here outlining what the current plan is (yes, it has changed) and what adventures there have been thus far. 

July - Well before July came in, I left the east coast behind and headed for San Francisco to meet with my soul sister, A. We have been to more concerts together than anyone else I've ever gone with. This  time we went to see the Grateful Dead on their 50th anniversary and very last tour. This was their last show in San Francisco. I met up with A. at the airport where she was waiting at my gate and we headed directly to our hotel with a guy who had absolutely no idea where he was going. He was lost and we had to show him how to get there, so he did't get as much as he wanted for the fare. I shorted him by $10 because he was an idiot and lied to us when he said he knew where it was. He didn't argue when I told him that. Bad news is that my luggage did not arrive when I did - wonderful. So off to Target we went for something for me to change into after travelling across the country. We also picked up some beers to bring back to the hotel before the show. My luggage showed up before we left so I was able to change into what I wanted to wear to the concert. And what a concert it was. Imagine 75,000 people at a stadium listening to the Grateful Dead...it was just awesome. The venue was great, the seats were just fine, and we had a blast. Then  we spent a couple of days in San Francisco hanging out at the Haight and Golden Gate Park. The weather was awesome and we just loved ouer time there but we were both anxious to get back to Victoria to get on with summer plans. We flew  back to Canada on Canada Day and I slept the first night in the Karma van but I hadn't picked up my camping foam for the top yet, so it was awful and hard. I went for the foam the very next day....

Victorian life - So after being ripped off by the stupid insurance company because I had not had insurance in Canada for the past 4 years, and they treated me as a new driver which is absolutely fucking unacceptable when I have 30+ years of driving experience and only ONE accident. I wass super pissed, so will be cancelling with them before too long. I have claims letters from Australia but I was told I had to pay $20 more dollars to have them added to my file and considered for the discount of 40%. Jerks. Hate the bastards - necessary evil. However once Karma was reinsured again, I took her for a few drives to get a bit of essential shopping done so I could set up house in her for the summer and beyond. I'm parked in the driveway out the back of my friend's house, and plugged in. It's under the shade of a tree, however first morning sun is super hot and then it is in the shade. I've settled into the van though and with the 4 inch foam like I had before, it is quite a comfy cosy bed. The photos below are of Karma as she evolves with her new paint job and I settle into life in her. The blue box is one my dad built many years ago and he used to store our slide projector and slides in it however they were lost in the fire as they were in a bookcase and I had left the box behind at my Aunt's house with some other things that were brought up later from Grand Bruit. I got it back this year and gave it a new paint job and now it is being used as my food box as I don't want my food in the cupboards as there seems to be a mouse problem at the house, so I just lock it all in the box. Two of the photos are of the van when it's packed up for travel. Note my dad's wooden and sinew snowshoes...I can't wait to try them out in the mountains if I can find any snow this winter. Karma is also getting a new paint job. She was peeling pretty bad and I felt a little ridiculous with how it looked now, so cleaned her up and got to work. Then I ran out of paint, so have to get her done when I get back to Victoria. I'm keeping it more simple and sleek this time, but will add some more color to the black front, and possibly a few designs on the rear and maybe on the sides -possibly a logo that I design, I'm undecided as of yet. 

Karma went on her first camping trip this year to Englishman River Falls which is on the northern part of the island. It was quite beautiful and so nice to camp in the forest again. I missed my Canadian forest...the falls were also quite spectacular as well but the water was COLD! There was about 20 of us so a nice crew to chill with for a long weekend. The weather was just lovely and the bugs were not too bad although there were many wasps. One of my friends was bitten on the thigh and it swelled something fierce. It was good to get Karma on the highway again and I had forgotten (well not really) how much attention it garnered in transit due to my over the top paint job, in particular, her big red lips and heavily made up eyes. I'm not too sad to see that go though. It just looked gaudy at this point. Karma did well on the highway with no issues. She held her own on the Malahat mountain pass which was good. 

So life in Victoria is going well. I have decided after talking to my daughter that I really don't want to live in Edmonton. It's too damn cold! And too much SNOW! So she was perfectly fine with me not moving there and I am just going for a visit instead next month for about a month and then I'll return to Victoria for the rest of the year. I've decided to look for work in Victoria part-time, but not sure what I'll be doing. I know what I WON'T be doing - child protection. Someone stab me in the eye with a fork if I even come close...I am so happy about living in Victoria as I do not like Edmonton, but I do love my girl, so she may come for Christmas as she has never been to Vancouver Island. With me on the west coast and her in Edmonton, we are not far apart at all. A short flight to Vancouver for each of us, or I can pick her up at the Ferry Terminal at Swartz Bay (Sidney) as it is a quick bus or train ride from the Van airport to the Tsawwassen Terminal as it's just a few kms away. 

The other big decision I made is to forgoe the bus conversion at this point. I feel too overwhelmed to even consider a conversion and my hands are just not up for the task at all. The carpal tunnel syndrome is pretty bad in both hands, so I have to limit what I use them for as they're pretty important! Spray painting the van was hard enough. So instead I am on the hunt for a Class C RV which I had actually been considering long before I bought Karma. They are big enough for a tiny home, have everything I need, and most of the work is already done. I want to upgrade/renovate to my own tastes, and then I will have my very own portable home. I hope never to pack up my life anytime soon. I am so tired of giving up my nice bedding, housewares, sofa, etc. Just when I get comfortable, I'm packing up again. I haven't quite worked out where I can park my camper as I don't want to stay at an RV park unless they offern great winter rates. I'm going to put an ad on Kijiji to see if anyone will rent me space in their driveway or on their property to park. I won't need to plug in anywhere as I plan to convert it all to solar and everything else will be propane. The older C class RV's are pretty cheap - I should be able to pick one up for about $3-5,000. I'm still working on the funding at this point as I have two pensions I'm trying to withdraw from, one here in Canada and one in Australia. Either or both would be awesome and more than enough to pimp my RV something fierce! Stay tuned for more on that front.

Now I'm visiting my sister in Houston (BC) and we have come to camp for the week. She is the First Aid/Nurse here for the week as she is a paramedic in real life and can bring me as a guest. I can use the facilities, the canoes/kayaks. beach, campfire, etc so it should be awesome. We have our own room in staff quarters and the building is quite nice. We are just a few kms from town so I can go back to town anytime I want, though my sis has to stay as first aid. All three nephews will be here this week too so I'll get to spend more time with them. The oldest is a volunteer staff, the middle is a camper this week, and the youngest is here in our room as a helper when needed. His week as camper was last week. The lake looks gorgeous, so I hope I get to swim this week! I return to Victoria on the 8th, and thankfully it takes just a few hours of flight time. It takes long to drive to and from the airport in Prince George. 

So that's the current situation. My PTSD is still active, but I am managing for the most part. I found out very bluntly that I cannot miss even a single day of my anxiety medication as it throws me into a minefield of mood swings and strips all ability to cope with any stress. I'm still dealing with Oz and the work cover claim that my former employer stuffed up. They don't owe me any money as my employer paid me out instead of the insurance company thinking they would simply deal with it after I left but now I am drawn back into the mess and had a conference call last week that was very stressful for me. I just want to forget the whole bloody mess and move on but it doesn't seem likely just yet. Apparently the employer may come after me for the $11,000 if the insurance company doesn't pay up...I say good luck - I have NOTHING...I have about $350 to my name at the moment...

I hope to blog a bit more once I'm settled into an RV and sort out some mobile internet for it. Stay tuned....

Anxiety and Airports

So it turns out that anxiety and airports do not mix well, at least not in my case...not that it was rocket science to begin with. Airports are crowded with people all trying to get someplace else in the quickest way possible. Today left me completely unravelled and nearly stranded me in Toronto. The day started off okay, as I whipped through the last few things I had to do at my mother's apartment before I left. Printing photos off, hanging frames, taking down recycling and garbage, etc. And let's not forget the last minute packing. So much stuff...where does it all come from. For once I'd like to board a plane with nothing more than a boarding pass and my passport, instead of being loaded down like a pack mule. I managed to get it all done, and got myself off to the airport by noon as planned. Checked my rental car in, and off to check-in for my flight.

So here is where the trouble begins...airports have become filled to the brim with self check-in kiosks. Like hundreds of them, and they are not all the same. There are dozens per airline for checking in and printing boarding passes. There are more for checking in your own luggage, and yet more for checking in at customs. One would think that if I am doing all the damn work, and there are kiosks for every single thing, that things would proceed in a much more efficent way. One would be wrong, ever so very wrong. First of all, some of them don't work, and they all work differently. Some  are accompanied by staff who hover while you fumble through, while others appear to be abandoned by the airport with no one in sight. One cannot progress through without stopping at one or more of these kiosks. There are no signs to direct you to the process you must follow and there are all kinds of exceptions that are not noted and you have no idea about until you have already wasted precious time and patience trying to figure out why the fucker doesn't work for you. 

So I try easily print off my first two boarding passes, unsure of why I do not have my fhird and final boarding pass. Now what? I still have to check my bags. Why didn't I get an option to check my bag. Ok, fumble around through more kiosks and more lines, more useless signs, and try another kiosk which then tells me I have checked in already, and there is nothing left to do. WTF? What about my luggage? I finally track down someone who can help who explains that one cannot check bags through the self-checkout if one is travelling through to another country like America. Ok, now what?? So she checks my bags in for me and I'm finally on my way. Onto the plane with lots of time to spare. Phew. Should be easy sailing from here. Sure...

I arrive in Toronto after an uneventful flight and proceed to the baggage claim that happens to be what seems like 2kms through the airport. As luck would have it, my backpack was the first one on the baggage carosel, and before long my second bag came along. Terrific! Now I have to proceed to customs so I can drop my bags off again and get to the gate for my next flight. Well holy dirty dying fuck a duck...I'm not sure what in the hell has happened to Pearson airport, but it got complicated and confusing since the last time I was there, which was only 2 months ago....between a thousand kiosks, too many other confused people standing around, and people who have just left their luggage standing in the middle of the pathway through, and big groups of people blocking all access to where I need to go, and I'm ready to go postal. First I stand in the wrong line only to be told to go to a kiosk. Okay, let's check-in as I need my final boarding pass and to drop my luggage off before I head through to my gate. Easier said than done...I try to check in only to have another one that doesn't work. I go to the next one only to be told I have missed the check-in time - WTF???? I check the time and I have only 45 min before my flight boards and I haven't even been through customs yet. I begin to unravel here...my coping skills have suffered since I've been dealing with anxiety and PTSD...I lose control and begin crying and sobbing, nattering on about missing my flight and how confusing the process is here. 

Staff member finally comes over and tries to settle me down so we can get somewhere. She checks me in, prints my final boarding pass and directs me to go through customs and then proceed to gate 12. It goes from bad to worse here. I look for signs that say where to go and what to do...there are none. I look around to see if anything makes sense and of course I am drawn to yet another fucking kiosk to proceed with a customs questionnaire...of course the first one does not work so I must find another one. I finally get through that, print my customs form off and am directed to the customs corral where I am sent to line up once again, this time for the US customs check and stamp in my passport. I tell her that my flight is boarding shortly and I need to hurry. She doesn't give a shit. Line up and shut up is the order of the day. After 20 excrutiating minutes in a line that goes NOWHERE, I am finally permitted to go to a customs counter. By that point I'm pretty upset, sobbing and a complete mess, certain there is no way to possibly make my flight and wondering how in the fuck I am going to reach Angela to tell her I missed the flight - she does not have a cell phone. Mr customs man takes pity on the soggy mess in front of him and whips me through the process, and directs me to the next step - drop your suitcases off and carry on through security. I leave the cart and grab my bags where I am stopped immediately and asked if that was my cart - out of patience, I tell her it is not my cart, as in I do not own it. Another guy rats me out, the fucker, and she tells me I must move the cart from one side to the other - mind you there is not a single sign to say this, nor are there any other carts - what are people meant to do with them? I tell her I am in a hurry - she doesn't give a rats ass. Fuck it, I'll move the cart 2 feet away if that will please your highness...fuck me. 

Then I am directed to line up for security yet again with no real process for which line means what, and no one will answer my questions. Bastards. So I begin to unravel again as the clock ticks and my flight has begun to board and there I am, stuck in securty line up. I shout out to anyone I can gain attention from to let them know I am going to miss my flight unless someone helps me out. No one responds at all, as in completely ignoring me by this point. I lose my shit, and begin swearing. Still nothing. There are dozens of people lined up by this point, with only 2 customs officers on - Saturday night, schools out, summer has begun and there are only 2 customs officers on at one of the busiest airports in Canada. Sounds about right.

Finally it is my turn and I am shuffled through where of course I must take out half my shit to be scanned, and I am fearing the worst - I will be randomly selected for a special screening yet again - it already happened in Halifax. Thankfully it didn't and I was able to race off to my gate finally where it was in the process of boarding. I am still a fucking mess, but trying to choke down some air as I realize I have made it, I won't miss the flight, and things will carry on as they should. Except I have anxiety and nothing is simple. I am a sobbing fucking mess and cannot seem to get my shit together to calm down. The flight attendant on board sees this right away as I load myself onto the plane and shuttles me off to the bathroom with a glass of water to gather myself again. Within a few moments I am able to get myself together enough to go find my seat. I'm seated by the window which is good, but the weats on American Airlines are downright claustrophobic. Just what I need. I'm seated next to a quiet older Asian couple who graciously move so I can get into my seat where I then fall apart again, as silently as I can so as not to draw too much attention. I'm steaming hot, thristy as hell, stressed to the ma, and sobbing uncontrollably. All I can think about is how close I came to missing the flight, and how  upset I am about being upset - secondary anxiety my psych guy calls it. I sob through about the first hour of the flight until they finally come around with beverages - I take a beer and a ginger ale. 

So now I am still cramped into my tiny seat, trying to keep it together...it is a mixed bag - sometimes I can, and sometimes I am sobbing yet again. The horse is definitely out of the barn...breathe in, breathe out, choke down another sob, breathe in, breathe out...sigh...I will be so glad to see Angela tonight and crash in my bed...

They paved paradise,and put up a parking lot...

I've been visiting family and friends these past several weeks and after living alone for so many years with only the cat to talk to, it can get to be claustraphobic after a few weeks, particularly as a person who experiences anxiety. To combat this I simply go for a drive a few times per day. I often throw in other errands such as returning items to the store, picking up medications or food, shopping and so on. In order to get some alone time, i sit in the vehicle in a large parking lot that overlooks the street below. As it turns out, I am not the only parking lot sitter. There are several in every parking lot I have visited. It isn't a social networking thing either as contact seems to be discouraged, as people seek their alone time away from the constant press of physical social engagement with others. In the comfort of our vehicles, we capture time alone in plain sight. Our activities may vary while sitting in our vehicles but what seem to have in common is that need for controlling just what social interactions you want to have.

I've always been fascinated, watching the interactions of others. It must be the sociologist in me. The social worker in me assesses the situation, and the mother radar scans the area for risks, while the sociologist in me is what I often enjoy the most. I think I might enjoy ethnographic research. I've found the perfect location - the parking lot. I've been around many highways and byways, country roads and outback bush tracks, city interchanges, and driving on both sides of the road. I've parked in many parking lots for many of the same reasons I've observed in others lately. 

There are several common activities among parking lot dwellers.
Eating - Some folks only have a few minutes to wolf down a takeout lunch either from home or the nearest fast food place or hipster cafe. They spend a few minutes texting a friend and checking facebook before heading back to the office to continue the work day. I see people in uniforms all the time. 

Smoking - They can no longer smoke at their office or outside the building, or have been forbidden to do so at home. So they grab a quick smoke parked in a parking lot with the window down while checking text messages, updating facebook, watching porn, who knows? Or they are just stressed out and a quick cigarette may prevent them from throwing the stapler at the colleague who insists on tapping his pen. 

Thinking - they don't seem to be doing anything. There's no coffee cup or water bottle in hand, no sign of food or electronic device. But some serious thinking going on. It could be big thinking like should I quit my job, or do I want to get married right now. Or it could be as benign as did I use all the milk this morning or what movie should I watch on Netflix tonight. Who knows.
Talking - people are stopping to chat all the time, but most often it seems serious, unless people are combining it with another activity listed above. If they took the time to park in a parking lot just to talk, chances are the topic is likely important.
Reading - from the old fashioned printed book, to the newspaper, to a tablet or smartphone or a magazine, people do enjoy reading in parking lots. I know my Dad would sometimes take a newspaper with the crossword to work on while he waited for mom.
Social media communicating - whether it's sending out Tweets, using Facebook, searching the net, text messaging family and/or friends, to having an actual live spoken conversation with someone. As humans we feel connected to our family and friends through our interactions with them.
Waiting - many people are waiting for someone else to finish their business up at the services and shops nearby. Others seem to just be having a time out. These folks often check their time often, flick through their phones often, look around, try to snooze with a hat over their face. I also see many cabbies parked, waiting for a call in the busy nearby area. Sometimes the cabbies are combining this activity with any of the above as well, if not all at once. Sometimes they just sleep, slumped against their car window, using clothing as a pillow or shade.

Whatever the situation, it seems as humans we continue to seek our time alone as much as anything else. Perhaps it is because we have control of more when alone, or do our minds requires this time alone. For me, it changes depending on my circumstances at the time. I very much understand the emerging fad of the "She Cave" very similar to the "Man Cave". Check out these cool ones below.

A New Blog for a New Adventure

Day 20 of my repatriation to Canada and I'm so very glad to be here! I have been busy as ever, visiting friends and family, and driving all over Nova Scotia with several more excursions planned. I arrived in Canada at midnight to a tiny but hearty welcome home from my ma and cousin. I certainly appreciated it! I had missed my homeland so very much, particularly over the last year in Australia. It was so good to see all of the red and white, maple leaves and all.

The next day my niece came over and my how she had grown! She was just a young lass of 11 when I last saw her and now she is a tall girl of 16, towering over me from nearly 6 feet tall. She hung with us all weekend and we watched movies, shared stories, looked at photos, and she helped me unpack my bulging suitcases. At one point we walked down to Tim Hortons and I couldn't decide between a french vanilla cappuccino or an iced cappuccino so bought both and drank them with one in each hand! It was delightful.

I've been to Cape Breton and stayed with a past coworker and friend of mine for a couple of nights, watching the Habs win their last game of the season as they were knocked out during the next one. We had our lucky socks on, which I'm sure helped, but couldn't bring them to the finals. It was good to see my old friends, having left the east coast more than 5 years ago. We have kept in touch through social media, phonecalls, and FaceTime, but it just isn't the same as sharing a beer on the front step with them, watching the world go by. I was also able to spend a bit of time going through what my friend had been storing for me while I was away. Some was a little too painful to pour over as it was mostly items from Grand Bruit and things that had belonged to my late father, however it was also like Christmas as I had not remembered many of the items and was not sure what had been lost in the fire and what had not yet made it to Dartmouth. We had brought quite a load from Grand Bruit but much of it was stored at my aunt's mini-home in Port Shoreham and so I couldn't recall after the fire what had made it up and what was still waiting there. I was happy to reunite with some of my most treasured items of my father's such as his snowshoes, manual typewriter, and genealogy research such as family records and photos. My vinyl was also there, which tickled me pink.

I was also able to spend a few days with my aunt in Port Shoreham while we waited for the van I was to borrow to be repaired. It had sat mostly unused all winter so needed to be serviced. The weather was quite good most of the time, and I loved the fresh salt air that blew in from the Atlantic Ocean. The peace and quiet of her rural home was just what I needed after the hustle and bustle of Melbourne, and then the travel, and busyness of being in Halifax. At night it was so very quiet I could hear the little animals and birds as they moved about in the mossy forest. Bliss.

I've been gobbling all of the foods I dearly missed in Australia - number one on the list was BACON! And yes, I have had several feeds of bacon since my return. I've also had a fair bit of snack food such as corn puffs, hot rods, cheesies, coffee crisp, corn chips, and so on. We've also eaten out at Mary Browns, Swiss Chalet, and Pizza Delight. I'll have to diet for the rest of the spring and summer to shed those pounds!

I've been to visit a friend who used to live in Dartmouth when I did and now lives in Sheet Harbour with her partner and her daughter. I was delighted to meet this little miss and marveled at how very smart this 3 year old was! We ended the evening with a campfire and s'mores. It was delightful. I was out to visit a niece for supper and meet her little one as well, also born while I was away. He cracked me up with his random comments, and is such a little Newfie despite being born in NS. Hilarious.

My ma and I jumped on the bus and went to the Halifax Public Gardens. There wasn't much up yet as it is early and winter is not far behind us but she loves the gardens as do I. My parents walked there often when they were first dating, and so it has been a favorite for many years. We also walked along Spring Garden Road, and visited Pete's Frootique, a well-known market. My daughter used to work there for a time when she lived in Halifax.

I took another drive to Port Shoreham after picking up my cousin and his friend at the Halifax airport. They are getting my uncle's plane ready to fly out west where he will sell it. My uncle passed a few months back and so the plane must be moved along. It's a Cessna, so just a 2-3 seater plane, depending on how big you are! I would love to have gone up for a ride, but there wasn't time. It's going to take him 3 days to fly to BC as it is. My auntie cooked up a feed of lobster for them and managed to receive her very first lobster bite! We were taking the bands off the claws to put them in the boiling water on the stove when he fought back and nipped her with his claw on the palm of her hand, drawing blood. After the initial shock of what happened, we all had a good laugh. She managed to make it through nearly 80 years as a fisherman's daughter without a bite and then he got her. We had just been talking about the time my ex-husband was teasing a lobster on the way to the cooking pot when one of the lobsters grabbed his nose and wouldn't let go when SNAP, one got my auntie. Both lobsters paid for it in the end, of course...we finished off the evening with a walk along the beach through blustery winds, picking up interesting rocks, shells, and sand dollars along the way.

This weekend we hit the road again and head to Cape Breton to celebrate a 95th birthday in Neil's Harbour. I haven't been "down north" for several years, so am looking forward to driving the Cabot Trail again. There are a couple of shops along the way I want to stop at as well, a leatherworks shop and a hat shop that carries some interesting locally made pewter jewelry. I had bought a few items there in the past but lost them all in the fire of 2010.

After the trip to Cape Breton, I'm bound for New Brunswick to visit a friend in Chatham (now Miramchi) for a few days and then we travel back to Halifax to see the Bay City Rollers at the casino. Now there's a blast from the past! My friend and I grew up listening to them back in the 70's, decked out in our plaid, while spinning our vinyl on my portable record player. As mentioned earlier, I had brought up my vinyl from Grand Bruit, two of which are Bay City Roller's albums. Perhaps I should bring them to the concert for autographs!

After that, I'll be chilling with ma here in Halifax, sifting through closets, dressers, boxes and bins, shredding and donating as much as I can convince her to part with before she is buried alive, Ma is legally blind so cannot do it alone, The month of June comes to a close when I leave the east coast, bound for San Francisco where I will meet my soul sister in San Jose for the 50th anniversary concert of The Grateful Dead. We're staying for 4 days so not long, but it should be a helluva time - imagine being at a show with 75,000 other deadheads...and then exploring San Francisco post-concert...it's gonna be wild!!!

So yes, I am super glad to be home in Canada. I am truly enjoying my time on the east coast, and while my anxiety has settled some, it is never far away. Loud and sudden noises still have me jumping high, so I try to avoid them as much as I can, but it isn't always possible. A sudden shrill peal of laughter from a relative nearly sent me into the ditch when we were driving...